You guys asked for it, I am delivering more sex & relationship posts.
And today’s topic is : what are turn ons for guys?!
Before you self indulge in reading another post about weird sex fetishes that turn guys on in bed, let’s just start with the easy basics before you start sucking on pinky toes.
That is what Aaron (my boyfriend) and I intend to answer today. I decided to do another guest post with him because you guys eat up and some are slightly confused by our uncensored relationship. Also, he likes to claim himself as a dating coach after reading 10 dating development books and getting his d*ck wet during his hoe streak. So prepare yourself for that. I will go first in order to set the mood and slowly warm you up for Aaron’s opinions as they aren’t always said in the most tactful ways. In my relationship with him and most men, you have to read between the lines.
So let’s get started.
A Woman’s Perspective of Turn On For Guys
1.) PUT TOGETHER
Simply put, you need to have your sh*t together. If you look like you live out of your car and can’t manage to get a grip on this thing called adulthood, it’s a huge boner killer. When men say they want a hot a$$ chic (remember read between the lines or forever be disappointed), they want a women who is HUGE on self-care. That means a balance of beauty, wellness, fitness, confidence, and business. You got to have the whole package or consider yourself another girl on the list.
I assume most women who search “the top turn ons for guys” have a guy in mind (at least I did). If you want to erase your competition, it’s going to take more than a black g-string and some big hair. Once the the erection goes down, the logical side of men starts to analyze you apart. No man gets a chubby from a woman that embodies the meaning of train wreck. Which is why it’s a perfect excuse to pamper yourself (spray tans, facials, personal trainers, makeup, clothes, business courses, or anything revolving around “me time”) and the results will include more looks your way.
2.) BODY CONFIDENCE
No one gives a rat a$$ about your body dysmorphia in bed – men or women. I had one guy who didn’t want to take his shirt off before sex and I had to awkwardly give him forced compliments to motivate him to taking his f*cking clothes off! I could feel his mommy issues surfacing as the mood was dwindling.
The best trick in bed isn’t screaming like a banshee or whispering cringe lines from a porno, the best turn on is being body confident. We all have body insecurities, but in the bedroom and in the beginning stages of dating is not the time to show him the pimple on your back you have been trying to pop for three years.
Now since I have been in a long term relationship, I make Aaron listen to my in-depth sagas about my double chin and the tiny mole on my back. I locked this b*tch down and with that comes the great responsibility of hearing about any of my body insecurities at any given moment. BUT, the number one rule I have is to shut the f*ck up about it in bed. Don’t kill the mood.
When you take care of yourself (see point above), it’s a whole lot easier to go into the bedroom with body confidence. A bloated stomach from nightly runs to 7-11 and copious amounts of cheese isn’t going to make me eager to take my clothes off. The reason I feel confident in the bedroom is because of what I do outside of it. The hours spent shopping for sexy outfits, various makeup tutorials, tracking my macros, kickboxing, lifting, beauty oils,….it all adds up.
3.) SPICE IT UP
The only fashion advice I would advice is to mix it up from time to time. Guys love having fantasies of banging several variations of women. Thank god for porn when I am not feeling it at night and want to wear my robe with a pair of mix-matched socks. BUT, it’s always fun and keeps the flame alive when I role play with my clothes. A hot school girl OR slutty librarian OR basic bitch OR ghetto chic OR dominating business woman OR….the possibilities are endless. I don’t just have to only succumb to wearing lingerie in the bedroom. I can go out with a hot pair of reading glasses OR sexy booties OR tight jeans OR a leopard bodysuit OR short pleated skirt to set the mood.
Not to mention the fact that if you are with a secure guy, he wants other men to want you – it’s one of the hottest turn ons for guys. He wants to show you off to his friends and in public with pride. And I know for a fact that a ratty messy bun with my go-to period sweat pants was dulling our flame when it became a regular thing there for a while – that comfortability factor of our relationship I took a little too close to heart. BUT, I have recently tricked myself into looking hotter 90% of the time by only having pieces in my closet that are FIRE. I got rid of all the homeless outfits this year which has forced me to be feeling myself on the regular. Also it overall set the tone for more sex and not “how about tomorrow night?”.
A Man’s Perspective of Turn On For Guys
FINALLY! It’s my turn to talk! Heyyyy ladies. 😉 Sav told me for this post I needed to say more than a great pair of legs with a big ol booty. But let’s be clear for any sensitive f*cks who think “oh caring about looks is shallow.” A great pair of legs with a big ol booty is a clear sign a girl takes care of herself, has a relatively healthy active lifestyle, and has goals that she is accomplishing. And THAT is what makes a girl with those physical ASSets so much more attractive . If she’s just genetically gifted and does none of those things, then a quality guy will enjoy the pu$$y and keep searching until a girl comes along where her looks match her personality… see that last sentence wasn’t so douche sounding. 🙂
Ok! So, let’s delve more into the personality traits that will separate a girl from being “I just want to bang her” to “I want to talk to her AFTER I bang her.” BTW, I agree with all of Sav’s points above. So, let’s break it down from the moment I meet a girl moving forward. And remember ladies, just like you should be doing, a quality guy will be judging the sh*t out of you right from the get go.
Bring your A game if you want his D game.
1.) Be Fun
Whenever that first convo happens with that guy you find attractive, remember that sex, dating and even love should all be playful. Energy is infectious so if you’re having fun there’s a better chance that guy you’re digging will have a smile on his face at the end of the convo/date/hookup. I love sh*t talking and it’s a great way to quickly tell if I’m going to have fun with a girl. And while I need a girl that is quick witted and can banter, it’s okay if that’s not your strength. However, when a guy makes a joke (that’s actually funny) you need to do more than laugh. YOU need to also bring VALUE to the conversation.
EXAMPLE: First time I met Sav I called her fat (specifically I said “you look like a potato that eats whole pizzas.”) She laughed, said she loved pizza and I was a hungry a$$hole that should try eating some food. Instant mental boner! She showed she was confident, could carry a convo and was FUN.
2.) Be Punctual
It’s never good to start a first date by being late. Immediately translates to me that you don’t value my time, you can’t adult enough to make appointments and this will probably be a trend moving forward. Now I get there’s a fine line of when to show up. If the date is at 7pm, you don’t want to show up too early and twiddle your thumbs, and being right on time has a weird stigma. So for me, a girl has until 7:10 to show up. If it’s anything longer she’s losing points. And a cancelling the last minute is the worse.
EXAMPLE: I had this girl from Tinder cancel last minute on me, then reschedule only to flake and call me two hours after the date to say she was sorry and fell asleep. And while annoying, I was chill and indifferent because I already knew this girl wouldn’t be anything special. A few days later we had our first date where SHE chose to meet at my place, cooked me dinner and when she tried to sleep with me I SHUT HER DOWN haha! Time is our most valuable thing, don’t waste any on the wrong people.
3) Get Better At Sex
Before you get all offended, I use to be TERRIBLE at sex and some serious cringe of stories that could dry vaginas… oh my poor first girlfriend, I’m sorry. BUT if you suck you SUCK. So take the opportunity to learn. And I’m not saying to go risk disease and sleep with every random. Sloppy drunk sex doesn’t make you better at sex. If you were trying to get better at horseback riding you wouldn’t practice drunk, so why the f*ck would your cowgirl position be any good?! READ sex books, especially by those who are credited as experts. Communicate with your partner (AFTER sex as guys get emotional and insecure if you critique while they’re performing = we got issues too ladies!). Have fun (point number 1) if we’re not able to laugh during sex, then I’m probably just wishing you were someone else. And lastly, do NOT try to recreate porn.
EXAMPLE: One girl I was seeing I was always torn about f*cking her. We were friends with benefits (you ride those out until someone gets stupid and catches feels) and I found myself getting angry when we f*cked. It was soooooo annoying all the fake moaning, awkward dirty talk, and the sloppy saliva drenched d*ck sucking. Just be natural, we’ll both have a lot more fun. And if you can’t, then shut up so I can imagine someone else.
You’re welcome ladies 😉
It’s getting too real!!!
I think we might need to wrap this one up…
& offend other’s with our opinions some other time.
Those are our top tips for turns on for guys.
Hope you enjoyed and looking forward to our podcast coming soon.
ALSO – this amazing bodysuit is from Fashion Nova.
PLUS – extensions from Luxy Hair.
-SAV & A-A-RON