I used to hate when I was with women who were braless fanatics. They would wear some plunging neck-line, get hammered off one sip of wine, and apologize every second for their tits falling out of some $200 bodysuit. I get it, you are feeling yourself and sh*t. I love dressing like a slut too.
BUT, is showing nipple and letting everyone know the pigmentation of my areola worth it?
My answer now is F*CK YES.
There is a backstory to why I had a complicated relationship with going braless in the past. I have worn shorts that ride so far up my a** they have probably shown my labia, but I was just too good for showing some nipple. It’s a backwards way of thinking and I really don’t understand myself either.
BUT, this was my reasoning, I felt like you had to have the right boobs to pull off going braless – don’t lie to me and tell me you don’t feel the same way. Yes everyone is beautiful in their own way, but some people weren’t meant to go braless. That is just the harsh truth in my opinion. I constantly doubted that my boobs were able to hold their own weight without support – currently as size D. And before you loath me for complaining about big boobs, let me give you some insight. Big boobs and gravity are not friends, in fact they are like Kanye and Taylor – they can never just f*cking get along.
So while all these hot girls from the itty bitty community are jumping up and down to “bodak yellow” at the club braless, I imagined I would be found trying to pick up my sad puppies from off the floor and try not to have one plop out on the dance floor. I am all for embracing my sexuality and showing off my body, but big boobs falling out of clothing looks like I would be willing to suck anyone’s dick in the bar bathroom – no thanks.
OK so despite all my baggage with going braless, I accidentally tried it the other day when shopping for a skimpy outfit. It is a “universal” romper or something fancy that allowed them to charge me $60 for it, but it held my tits up better than a bra. I lost my braless virginity. It all makes sense why women are burning their bras, taking photos of flashing their tits toward the ocean, the fad with nipple piercings, and being obsessed with sheer crop tops. It’s a whole new world to me, and it was a beautiful experience unlike when I actually lost my real virginity.
What I decided to do was drag Aaron downtown and have him take various photos of me sporting this romper. After about an hour of caressing my body and hair in front of senior couples (awkward), I was got this shot featured in this post that made me want to rant about how I would like to be welcome to the braless community despite my harsh judgements in the past.
1.) I AM LOVIN IT.
I have been on a high from this whole braless thing. Although I am not ready to let my armpit hair grow and write a novel on mother earth, I am really digging this natural look. Aaron was whining about how he hasn’t unclamped a bra in a while, but he can go jerk off in the bathroom to some video of another girl doing it for all I care. There are so many options for women with small and big tits that give more support than all of our god damn $1,000 investment in Victoria Secret.
2.) I AM WILLING TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVITY.
Ok, so I had this genius idea to change my profile pic on Facebook to the picture featured in this post (TITTIES). I message personal trainers for work on Facebook, and I wasn’t getting any hits with my super virginistic photo. I needed to spice things up because my job depended on it, and my new photo has been a crazy hit! Despite my success, there had to be someone that wanted to educate me on covering up and how my mother will feel about it.
B*tches please, my mother should be more scarred by my blog where I talk openly about a guy ejaculating on my foot and say f*ck every other second. No mother holds her baby in her arms wishing for her child to label herself a “b*tch blogger” and overshare her life when she gets older. I am sure the 56,978 photo of my tits is nothing new to her at this point.
Also, I knew I would be taking a risk posting a scandalous photo on Facebook where all my family and past church members would be ready to start giving me a sermon on the gospel of adulthood. That is why I live by the rule that “if want to hoe it up, you put that sh*t on instagram”. I took the plunge because “F*CK EVERYONE” and it’s a hot photo where I give the illusion that I am put together. I own it and I am pretty sure Jesus would too if he had bigger tits in another life.
*below are my favorite options for going braless*