You guys asked for it. The most popular topic that pops up in my DMs (minus dick pics…stop sending them) is pertaining to this topic. The fact that most of my readers are asking questions of substance is so much fun and I know we all love exchanging drama! As much as I love talking about “using coconut oil for everything” and “knee high boots“, I do really love going beyond the surface & talking about real life experiences…
Playing by your own rules is such a dominant & sexy quality in any human being. It transformed my life personally from being the secretary taking commands to being my own boss who had zero tolerance for people’s sh*t.
I decided to skip the rambling on about being a bad b*tch, queen b, no man can tell you what to do, and ultra women empower-rant post. I wanted to bring some vitality and raw experiences to the table today. I didn’t want to give you some vague ass post that said “stop caring what other people think of you” OR “do what you want to do” put into a perfect square with a pretty font that is repinnable on Pinterest. If that f*cking worked & it really was that easy, I wouldn’t have had so many tragic attempts of trying to “play by your own rules”. I am also not a therapist or life coach so I can only share my experiences.
Since everyone’s favorite parts of my post seem to be where I publicly embarrass myself online, I would love to take it back to when I was obsessed with making everyone happy & listening to anyone’s “word of sh*t” as not to receive disapproval.
- Example One: I was so bad at walking away from the crowd or being different than my friends. We bought the same clothes, slept with the same guys, talked exactly the same, and we would all become replicas of each other. I thought my friends would only like me if I was #twinning with their life. The only thing I got out of it was being igloo sisters (I really don’t hold back on my posts, do I?).
- Example Two: Ok, so basically I sucked at dating that I really don’t know where to begin with this one. I was always given advice to be a tough b*tch and to create rules/boundaries/standards when it came to dating men. BUT, I just let them throw their tiny dick & mediocre personality all over me. I don’t know if me sending drunk boob shots in a bar bathroom OR sending five texts in a row after a guy basically said no to a relationship really shows my desperation and need to seek approval from men. You probably get what I am getting at here though.
- Example Three: I would do this batsh*t crazy phone call marathon with family members and friends when ever I felt I had a life crisis. I would ask for one person’s advice, say a quick love you, & then hop onto another call with the next person on my contact list (an insecure hustler at it’s finest). I think there is nothing wrong with asking for help and some advice given to me was on point, but I literally couldn’t make a damn decision by myself without receiving approval or getting the green light from the squad first.
As you can see, I was your stereotypical blonde being overly nice & trying to mask her insecurity by being everyone’s favorite barbie. It took work to start implanting rules into my dating life, work life, relationships with familly/friends, and doing some deep soul searching to find out what I (not others) wanted to do with my life. I could write a novel on my process, but I wanted to share two examples of my life that were the pivotal choices that caused me to never look back on pleasing all my instagram followers or douche bag losers again.
1.) COLLEGE DROP OUT.
It seemed like everyone and their mother was shoving college down my throat. It was exhausting having to listen to people’s unwanted rants about why college would equal a secure job and blah blah blah. I seriously wanted to poke my eyeballs out every time the conversation would be brought up.
From a young age, I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur and start my own business. I have always been a self-starter who started making money very young and always half-assed school. I would dumpster bin before trash day at age nine and grab all the expensive wine bottles from all the alcoholic’s trash bins just to make some extra cash at the recycling centers. I also HATED public school and learning things that didn’t pertain to the real world.
Yet, I started junior college at 16.
I thought I would be cool & praised if I was in college taking “big girl” classes early.
My parents would be proud and people would think I was bad ass.
So I started taking classes with the intention of getting a degree in entrepreneurship. My first two classes were boringggg as f*ckkkk. I ended up confiding in my both teachers telling them that I wanted to run my own business and be an entrepreneur…
They both asked me, “then why are you here? you don’t need a degree for that. go and start your business…”.
I replied with the usual, “oh this is what my parents want and it will be good to have a degree just in case.”
So I took another semester only to feel like I was wasting money. I was skipping classes. I left my childhood home at 17 and was having trouble paying for dinner let alone tuition fees. The homework wasn’t getting turned in on time. I kept having thoughts that I didn’t want to play on the safe side. I really wanted to take a risk and actually go for creating my own business. I then started getting sick of playing along to the game that everyone bought into that college is the end all be all.
SO I LEFT. AND IT WAS SO FREEING!!
That is not to say that college isn’t for everyone. For me personally though, I have been always a rebellious and outside the box type of person. I had people scold me or laugh in my face saying, “I would never get a good job” or “yeah a teenager is going to start her own business”. It was awkward and humiliating at times, but it felt so good to be rid of these chains that were tying me down for so long. I f*cked up on my first couple of businesses and was barely making it by with a nanny job, but I was living the “hustle life” that aligned with my goals of being an entrepreneur.
Fast forward to know, I have a job at one of the best companies in the world and have this business that is growing rapidly. If I had not trusted my gut, I would have been writing essays and dreaming of being where I am today. This is not to toot my own horn because my life may seem uneventful for others. The point is that I am doing exactly what I want to do. College drop out for life.
2.) LEAVING THE MORMON CHURCH.
This is a touchy topic, but it took a lot of balls to leave a religion that I was raised in since practically day one. From age seven to seventeen, I would have monthly check-ins with church members, countless missionaries, and my parents who all had good intentions of trying to convert me to the ways of mormonism. It just didn’t feel right to me now matter how much we prayed and read scripture. It went beyond just wanting to drink and have sex and hoe it up. There was something in my core that didn’t resonate with what was being put into my head on a daily basis.
Instead of getting into the nitty gritty of religious doctrine that I disagree with, I thought I would stray away from that “fun” conversation and focus on how I had the courage to leave that religion. There were many heat arguments, people telling me that I was in Satan’s power, people talking shit behind my back, people saying that I wouldn’t make it to heaven, and countless people pestering me even when I left the church.
It was humiliating at times and heartbreaking as I saw people that were so proud of me look at me like I had killed a puppy. I lost a lot of friends, had to disconnect from family, and basically start over from scratch. I was fortunate enough to have some church members (despite their disagreements with my religious stances) offer me a safe place to grow and learn for myself on what I wanted to do with my life. It was an amazing opportunity that I will forever be grateful for. Regardless if they had offered me a place to stay, I would have left the church and struggled on my own.
Here is why : I got fed up with fake smiling and lying to people about how I loved this religion. I was sick of feeling like I was in bondage and having to take commands from other people. I wanted to venture out and find out what was right for me. It felt like my heart was going to explode when I thought about disappointing my church fam, but it felt worse not listening to my gut. And…you know what?
I fell flat on my face when I left the church.
I got a bad tattoo.
I posted some really bad snapchat drunk stories.
I hooked up with some he-who-must-not-be-named guys.
I was so sheltered that seeing someone smoke weed caused anxiety attacks.
I wore some really raunchy outfits.
I was broke and had about $3 in my bank account.
I had plenty of breakdowns in my sh*t car and had no idea how to create my own rules.
I was a hot mess half of the time trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
Amidst the chaos and drama fest, those were some of the best years of my life. I learned so much about myself and I still reminisce on those times. I may have been a mess with booty shorts displaying way too much camel toe and carrying tequila in a water bottle, but I was not playing on the safe side for once. In my eyes, I had fulfilled my childhood dream of being my own boss and playing by my own rules. The heartache, blood, sweat, and tears all added up to finding my passion.
My mission for this blog as I had stated before is to hopefully inspire to women put themselves first. I document my personal experiences, and these two experiences were the foundation of creating a life that was authentic, real, and in alignment with my goals. If weren’t for stepping outside my comfort zone and facing the ugly, I would have never started this blog where I rant about being dominant as a woman (and that means way more than just wearing a choker).
I have the whole studio to myself tonight since Aaron is out until 10pm. I am trying to hustle and get as much work done before he gets home. It’s like having a toddler since he hogs all the attention and tries to shut off my computer as soon as he walks in the door. I usually have to distract him by putting on a show or encouraging him to start a video game. Hack for anyone with clingy boyfriends. 😉